When my children leave to go out into the world, I don't want there to be any really big surprises – at least no bad ones! I want them to look around and say to themselves – “Yep, this is exactly what I was expecting!” I believe that part of our job as parents is to allow our children to experience as many life lessons with us as possible. Let me explain what I mean. There are definite life lessons and the earlier in life you learn these, the less they cost.
Take for example the story of my friend whose son had acquired a great deal of money from birthdays and a summer job. He wanted to spend that money in November on a popular computer game system which, if had he waited, would probably have been updated and possibly under his tree at Christmas. Mom’s idea was to tell him that under no such circumstances could he spend that money so foolishly.
I countered with, “So how would you respond if your boss handed you your pay check and said, ‘And don’t be buying any shoes this weekend. That is not what this money is for’”
She answered, “But I am an adult.”
“And when are you going to let him learn how to be one?” I asked.
She did relent after a very long discussion to spread out her safety net and let him learn this life lesson with her. As I predicted, by February he came to her and shared his disappointment in his decision. Not only was she not the bad guy, he learned a valuable lesson. Allowing him to stub his toe on this decision will possibly prevent a broken leg in the future. His ‘broken leg’ might have looked like a house he could not afford that she would now be expected to make the mortgage payments on, or a car he could not insure. In addition to this, she was not the ‘bad guy’ who would not let him buy what he wanted with his money! Talk about a Win – Win solution!
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