You probably have been exposed to, in some way or another, Gary Chapman’s Love Languages. (If you have not yet read this book, I highly recommend it.) I have used this tool in numerous situations when dealing with people of all ages. I would like to talk with you now about how you can apply the genius in this system to your own family. Mr. Chapman explains in his book Love Languages that there are five different ones and each of us has a predominate language. The languages include the following:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
Let’s quickly review the essence of each of these before moving on. A person whose Love Language is words of affirmation needs from you validation of worth through your comments. These people will work for nothing if you just tell them what a great job they are doing! Quality time is pretty self explanatory; these individuals need time with you to feel your love. A person whose love language is gifts will hear love when presented with tangible items; this individual loves “things.” An act of service person hears their language spoken when another does something for them.
My husband is an acts of service person. I discovered this shortly after reading Mr. Chapman’s book. Keith will clean the garage and tell me, or empty the dishwasher and announce, “The dishes are put away!” I quickly realized that what he is really saying is, “I clean the garage because I love you.” I just tag onto his declarations, ‘because I love you’ and it all makes sense. Since learning this, I now make the effort to speak ‘his language’; I will do things like make his lunch before he heads into work. This simple task speaks loud and clear to him – he is loved!
The final language is physical touch; this is not to be confused with romantic touch. The physical touch person is exemplified for the person who feels love through a hug or a pat on the back.
Take a minute to think about your love language and then some time to discover the languages your family members speak. This is a great tool that can enhance communication and allow you to connect readily with those most important to you.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Understanding our basic needs
We have four basic needs beyond our physical condition. Certainly we all need food, shelter, and water, but those are not the kind of needs I am talking about. In addition to physical needs, we also have psychological needs. They are Love, Power, Fun, and Freedom. We need these every day. If you are not meeting these needs, then you are not happy, and unhappy children are very difficult to motivate.
Love is not the romantic type of love. Often this need is fulfilled through our family. We need people that love us, care for us, and contribute to our sense of belonging. This type of love comes from involvement and a commitment of time and energy. We need to know this kind of love every day.
We must also have power. This is not power over someone, and that can be difficult for some to comprehend, but it is a sense of competence. Power is knowing that there are things that you do well. You need to feel good about what you do and to have those skills acknowledged every day. Sometimes we do this by allowing our children to have opportunities to reinforce those skills, to do things that they are good at to achieve that sense of power.
For example, my work with NEW American School is cyber based and I have students across the country as well as in my home. One day I said to one of my students , “Alex, I need your help. Could you walk Lyle in Atlanta through how to set up his first course for me, please?” Alex, who is twelve, agreed to do this. He got on the phone with Lyle and began walking him through the process. Things went really well and when Alex hung up the phone, he was grinning. I asked him how things had gone and he said, ‘That was a really good kind of weird.’” I asked him what he meant, and he said it just felt good to be the 'expert'. He asked if he could do this more often, and now, we have a peer mentoring program. It’s a win-win situation because both students get something from the relationship.
The third need is fun. We know that kids are really good at meeting this need, but family members of all ages need this. Fun involves pleasure, enjoyment, learning, and laughter. Things that refresh and renew our energies are fun. Having taught these concepts at conferences for many years, I have seen that this area is difficult for adults. However, our children need to see us having fun as well. If “growing up” isn’t fun, why will they want to do it? Look for ways to have fun and be seen having fun so that this need is met for all of the family.
And finally, freedom – Freedom is a big issue for kids. They need to know that they have the ability to choose how they meet their fun, love, and power needs for the day. They need to learn how to make decisions and find the freedom to be decisive, two different things.
I work out with my neighbor, and sometimes on a really good day, I can meet all four of my needs before 6:30 in the morning. My neighbor, Teresa, does like me – we’re friends. So, when I go over there in the morning, I get the need for love fulfilled. I can also meet my need for power on some days, because Teresa is an orthodontist, and she works with teenagers. Sometimes teenagers don’t brush when they have braces, or mess with their rubber bands, etc. So, we will brainstorm during our work out about how to behaviorally help them through that, enabling me to be the expert on behavioral issues. We always have fun every morning when we work out. I mean, would you get up that early if you couldn’t have a little fun? In addition this hour is very important to me, it is my little piece of freedom every day. So, on a lucky day, all four of my basic needs are met before 6 a.m.
One thing I encourage you to do and to teach your children to do is to run a mental checklist at the end of each day. Did my needs get met? If not – why not? What can I do differently tomorrow? This is very helpful when you have not had the best of days. When my kids were little, there were many days that I didn’t get any freedom. How many of you have met your husband at the door and said, “I just need a few minutes ALONE to have a bath.” If I had known I had basic needs to meet back then, I might have named this lack of freedom and incorporated a way to bring it into my live so I could have been happier.
Love is not the romantic type of love. Often this need is fulfilled through our family. We need people that love us, care for us, and contribute to our sense of belonging. This type of love comes from involvement and a commitment of time and energy. We need to know this kind of love every day.
We must also have power. This is not power over someone, and that can be difficult for some to comprehend, but it is a sense of competence. Power is knowing that there are things that you do well. You need to feel good about what you do and to have those skills acknowledged every day. Sometimes we do this by allowing our children to have opportunities to reinforce those skills, to do things that they are good at to achieve that sense of power.
For example, my work with NEW American School is cyber based and I have students across the country as well as in my home. One day I said to one of my students , “Alex, I need your help. Could you walk Lyle in Atlanta through how to set up his first course for me, please?” Alex, who is twelve, agreed to do this. He got on the phone with Lyle and began walking him through the process. Things went really well and when Alex hung up the phone, he was grinning. I asked him how things had gone and he said, ‘That was a really good kind of weird.’” I asked him what he meant, and he said it just felt good to be the 'expert'. He asked if he could do this more often, and now, we have a peer mentoring program. It’s a win-win situation because both students get something from the relationship.
The third need is fun. We know that kids are really good at meeting this need, but family members of all ages need this. Fun involves pleasure, enjoyment, learning, and laughter. Things that refresh and renew our energies are fun. Having taught these concepts at conferences for many years, I have seen that this area is difficult for adults. However, our children need to see us having fun as well. If “growing up” isn’t fun, why will they want to do it? Look for ways to have fun and be seen having fun so that this need is met for all of the family.
And finally, freedom – Freedom is a big issue for kids. They need to know that they have the ability to choose how they meet their fun, love, and power needs for the day. They need to learn how to make decisions and find the freedom to be decisive, two different things.
I work out with my neighbor, and sometimes on a really good day, I can meet all four of my needs before 6:30 in the morning. My neighbor, Teresa, does like me – we’re friends. So, when I go over there in the morning, I get the need for love fulfilled. I can also meet my need for power on some days, because Teresa is an orthodontist, and she works with teenagers. Sometimes teenagers don’t brush when they have braces, or mess with their rubber bands, etc. So, we will brainstorm during our work out about how to behaviorally help them through that, enabling me to be the expert on behavioral issues. We always have fun every morning when we work out. I mean, would you get up that early if you couldn’t have a little fun? In addition this hour is very important to me, it is my little piece of freedom every day. So, on a lucky day, all four of my basic needs are met before 6 a.m.
One thing I encourage you to do and to teach your children to do is to run a mental checklist at the end of each day. Did my needs get met? If not – why not? What can I do differently tomorrow? This is very helpful when you have not had the best of days. When my kids were little, there were many days that I didn’t get any freedom. How many of you have met your husband at the door and said, “I just need a few minutes ALONE to have a bath.” If I had known I had basic needs to meet back then, I might have named this lack of freedom and incorporated a way to bring it into my live so I could have been happier.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Taking Inventory
Before anything happens, a plan must be created. How many of you would stay aboard a plane after the pilot has declared that he is not really sure where he’s going? Yet so many of us run our lives as if on a plane with no flight route; being lead from one emergency or event to the next with no clear direction. Of the many people who do have goals, many are frustrated and ready to give up because they haven’t planned their goals correctly. When you set your goals using the right systems, you are already well on your way to reaching them.
The tips that will follow in the next several days will take you from the beginning to the end of the goal setting process. When finished, you will have a set of goals that are effective and efficient. When you set your goals properly, half the work is already done.
For now I want you to concentrate on taking inventory! Where are you right now? For example, if you are creating financial goals, how much money do you have in your savings account? Checking? What amount do you have planned for a college fund? This will help you set SMART Goals that are both effective and powerful.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I want?
How should I go about getting it?
Who can help me?
What can help me?
What obstacles will I face?
How will I deal with those obstacles?
What do I have to change or give up?
When do I want to accomplish my goal?
The tips that will follow in the next several days will take you from the beginning to the end of the goal setting process. When finished, you will have a set of goals that are effective and efficient. When you set your goals properly, half the work is already done.
For now I want you to concentrate on taking inventory! Where are you right now? For example, if you are creating financial goals, how much money do you have in your savings account? Checking? What amount do you have planned for a college fund? This will help you set SMART Goals that are both effective and powerful.
Ask yourself the following questions:
What do I want?
How should I go about getting it?
Who can help me?
What can help me?
What obstacles will I face?
How will I deal with those obstacles?
What do I have to change or give up?
When do I want to accomplish my goal?
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The Importance of Networking
Building Your Networking Skills
8 Quick Tips
Networking events can seem very intimidating, but they can be a resource that will help propel your career to new heights. It is always important to go into a networking event with enthusiasm and a set goal in mind. Use these ideas to help make your next networking experience a successful one.
1. Network online - According to recent research by The Institute For Corporate Productivity, 64% of business professionals network online. In today's Web 2.0 environment, you cannot afford to ignore this networking opportunity and potential leads you could generate via social networking sites.
2. Start with LinkedIn.com, the leading business networking - Membership is free, and you can pro-actively search for and connect with customers and prospects. Also, Linkedin.com users can post questions to the "Answers" section on the site. Make an effort to answer questions relevant to your area of expertise. Not only will you add value to your connections, but you will also get additional exposure and attract prospective customers who will seek you out!
3. Arrive early - Treat the event like an important appointment. By arriving early, you get comfortable in a more intimate setting with the other early arrivals. It can be intimidating to walk into a room filled with people, so go early and let the room fill up around you.
4. Show confidence - Speak confidently, decisively, and with authority. If you are confident in your conversations and support your ideas with evidence, people will take notice and respect that you know what you are talking about and that you mean business.
5. Circulate - Don't just talk to the people that you know. Get out there and go network!
6. Meet with VIPs or speakers - If there are VIPs or speakers at the event, prepare ahead of time. Do some research on the individual(s) so that you are informed when you talk with them. Compliment them on their speech or talk to them about how the topic of their speech or their field relates to what you do.
7. Stay late - When you stay late, the smaller crowd also gives you the opportunity to circulate in a more intimate setting. It also provides you with an opportunity to connect with the event's coordinator. Thank him or her for hosting the event. The event coordinator can give you some additional insight about who attended the event and who might be at the next event. It's never too early to prepare for the next event.
8. Have a robust profile on the networking site - Put in as much relevant information as you can that demonstrates the value you bring to your customers. Put in all the keywords you think prospective customers may use to search for a service provider in your field. Remember, on a social networking site, you want to make it easy for people to find you!
8 Quick Tips
Networking events can seem very intimidating, but they can be a resource that will help propel your career to new heights. It is always important to go into a networking event with enthusiasm and a set goal in mind. Use these ideas to help make your next networking experience a successful one.
1. Network online - According to recent research by The Institute For Corporate Productivity, 64% of business professionals network online. In today's Web 2.0 environment, you cannot afford to ignore this networking opportunity and potential leads you could generate via social networking sites.
2. Start with LinkedIn.com, the leading business networking - Membership is free, and you can pro-actively search for and connect with customers and prospects. Also, Linkedin.com users can post questions to the "Answers" section on the site. Make an effort to answer questions relevant to your area of expertise. Not only will you add value to your connections, but you will also get additional exposure and attract prospective customers who will seek you out!
3. Arrive early - Treat the event like an important appointment. By arriving early, you get comfortable in a more intimate setting with the other early arrivals. It can be intimidating to walk into a room filled with people, so go early and let the room fill up around you.
4. Show confidence - Speak confidently, decisively, and with authority. If you are confident in your conversations and support your ideas with evidence, people will take notice and respect that you know what you are talking about and that you mean business.
5. Circulate - Don't just talk to the people that you know. Get out there and go network!
6. Meet with VIPs or speakers - If there are VIPs or speakers at the event, prepare ahead of time. Do some research on the individual(s) so that you are informed when you talk with them. Compliment them on their speech or talk to them about how the topic of their speech or their field relates to what you do.
7. Stay late - When you stay late, the smaller crowd also gives you the opportunity to circulate in a more intimate setting. It also provides you with an opportunity to connect with the event's coordinator. Thank him or her for hosting the event. The event coordinator can give you some additional insight about who attended the event and who might be at the next event. It's never too early to prepare for the next event.
8. Have a robust profile on the networking site - Put in as much relevant information as you can that demonstrates the value you bring to your customers. Put in all the keywords you think prospective customers may use to search for a service provider in your field. Remember, on a social networking site, you want to make it easy for people to find you!
Friday, January 23, 2009
Being More Productive
It's time to take inventory - what gets your time and energy? Answering phone calls, responding to emails - what? Through the skill of awareness you can start concentrating on what is productive for you! Over the next week jot down your time robbers, the incidences, events, and people that consistently steal your valuable production time. You may have little or no control over some of your time robbers, but if you are like the rest of us - many of the interruptions can be better managed.
Many of you are familiar with the 80 - 20 rule,simply put, the 80/20 rule states that the relationship between input and output is rarely, if ever, balanced. When applied to work, it means that approximately 20 percent of your efforts produce 80 percent of the results. Learning to recognize and then focus on that 20 percent is the key to making the most effective use of your time.
Here are two quick tips to develop 80/20 thinking:
Take a good look at the people around you. Twenty percent of your colleagues and staff probably give you 80 percent of the support and satisfaction you need. They are your true advocates. Take good care of them. Likewise, you can probably name several friends and family members who would be there for you under any circumstances. Try not to put them on the back burner.
Examine your work. Ask yourself, "What do I really want to do with my life and my time? What 20 percent of my work should I be focusing on?"
80 percent or 20 percent?
Here are some signs that will help you to recognize whether you're spending your time as you should:
You're in your 80 percent if the following statements ring true:
You're working on tasks other people want you to, but you have no investment in them.
You're frequently working on tasks labeled "urgent."
You're spending time on tasks you are not usually good at doing.
Activities are taking a lot longer than you expected.
You find yourself complaining all the time.
You're in your 20 percent if:
You're engaged in activities that advance your overall purpose in life (assuming you know what that is — and you should!).
You're doing things you have always wanted to do or that make you feel good about yourself.
You're working on tasks you don't like, but you're doing them knowing they relate to the bigger picture.
You're hiring people to do the tasks you are not good at or don't like doing.
You're smiling.
If you'd like more information on this time management principle, I'd suggest The 80/20 Principle: The Secret of Achieving More With Less by Richard Koch (New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing; 1998). However, you don't need to read the book to begin using the 80/20 rule. Gain more control over your time and your work by taking one small step right now. Simply begin to look for the signs that will tell you whether you're in your 20 percent or your 80 percent. This increased awareness of what's vital to your life and your life's work may be all you really need to start using your time more effectively.
Many of you are familiar with the 80 - 20 rule,simply put, the 80/20 rule states that the relationship between input and output is rarely, if ever, balanced. When applied to work, it means that approximately 20 percent of your efforts produce 80 percent of the results. Learning to recognize and then focus on that 20 percent is the key to making the most effective use of your time.
Here are two quick tips to develop 80/20 thinking:
Take a good look at the people around you. Twenty percent of your colleagues and staff probably give you 80 percent of the support and satisfaction you need. They are your true advocates. Take good care of them. Likewise, you can probably name several friends and family members who would be there for you under any circumstances. Try not to put them on the back burner.
Examine your work. Ask yourself, "What do I really want to do with my life and my time? What 20 percent of my work should I be focusing on?"
80 percent or 20 percent?
Here are some signs that will help you to recognize whether you're spending your time as you should:
You're in your 80 percent if the following statements ring true:
You're working on tasks other people want you to, but you have no investment in them.
You're frequently working on tasks labeled "urgent."
You're spending time on tasks you are not usually good at doing.
Activities are taking a lot longer than you expected.
You find yourself complaining all the time.
You're in your 20 percent if:
You're engaged in activities that advance your overall purpose in life (assuming you know what that is — and you should!).
You're doing things you have always wanted to do or that make you feel good about yourself.
You're working on tasks you don't like, but you're doing them knowing they relate to the bigger picture.
You're hiring people to do the tasks you are not good at or don't like doing.
You're smiling.
If you'd like more information on this time management principle, I'd suggest The 80/20 Principle: The Secret of Achieving More With Less by Richard Koch (New York: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing; 1998). However, you don't need to read the book to begin using the 80/20 rule. Gain more control over your time and your work by taking one small step right now. Simply begin to look for the signs that will tell you whether you're in your 20 percent or your 80 percent. This increased awareness of what's vital to your life and your life's work may be all you really need to start using your time more effectively.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Getting the most out of each day
One of the most powerful strategies to implement is to 'live in the moment'. Your true power is here and now. So to prepare for this we need to have an action plan for each day. Start with one thing you are going to accomplish today. I keep a journal of each work day where I record what I need to complete that day and what I actually get done. Tasks that are not completed move to the next day's entry. This helps me to see my accomplishments and nothing gets 'dropped'. Another useful tool is the Outlook calendar, I use it to record all of my meetings, appointments, phone conferences and as a bring forward system. I have found it to be very advantageous to enter a task into the calendar and then be free from having to remember it, I let the technology work for me! By doing this I have freed up so much creative time that allows me to do some real thinking - not remembering. In addition to entering meetings with others, I also use the calendar for meeting with me:) I have decided that I am just as important and in order to honor my commitments to myself I schedule them in just as I would a commitment to you!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Taking Action!
Here is your challenge. Ten is a good number, so sit down and write out ten goals for yourself, and help your children to do the same. Write these out every day, and practice the habit of committing these to memory and taking action. It has been said that you must do something faithfully for 21 days to make it a habit, so I challenge you to do this for one month, every day, even on weekends. Who knows, you might be surprised where you are in one month!
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